Cooking Crack with the Baking Soda Method, Crack, Glorious Crack, or The Revolution Will Not Go Better with Coke (Pre-Pimpology)
This is an excerpted chapter from How to Be a Motherfucking Pimp. The following is not endorsed. However, if you want to make meth, it’s in the book too. Same for PCP. But, again, the same proviso, from pimping to drugs, nothing is meant to be implemented in anyway. It is for entertainment purposes only.
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Okay. Crack. Let’s get into that batty crease. If Biggie Smalls can give you the Ten Crack Commandments, I can one-up that. Besides, he’s dead. These are the ten ordered steps on how to make crack. There are other ways in which you can do it, but this book is meant to be primarily about pimping, not the production of crack. Nevertheless, Trippple Beam is going to throw you a bone, so here’s a primer.
1. Get your coke. The better the coke, the better the crack. However, the better the coke, the better you just put it up your nose. Use mid-quality coke for crack. It is better. It is the impurities in the coke that you actually hear popping or crackling when you smoke it and likely give it its namesake. The other way to make a coke freebase is to use ether or ammonia, but this will give you a purer form of cocaine hydrochloride. Careful with the ether, it is both volatile and flammable. Either way, what you are doing is freeing the cocaine alkaloid from the hydrochloride so that it is smokable, but let’s stick to crack as our freebase.
2. Measure out a 4:1 or even 3:1 ratio of coke to baking soda. It depends on the quality of your coke and the desired quality of your product.
3.Put this shit into a beaker and add just enough distilled water to cover the mixture. Make sure you don’t overdo it or your crack won’t harden properly. Now swirl this around until it is a solution.
4. Cook. for me the best way to do this is to take a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol. This is a long lasting, efficient burner that achieves a stable temperature. Put this in a stainless-steel mixing bowl and ignite. The beauty of this method is that you aren’t relying on much. You could be cooking crack in a forest or the back of a bus. You needn’t to be at home and you need little by way of apparatus.
5. Hold the beaker with the solution over the flame. Wait for it to boil. Don’t let it overcook. You will lose valuable crack vapors and, when it reaches around 90 °C, it will burn.
Get higher, baby!
Get higher, baby!
6. Once it boils, remove it from the flame. Do this over again a couple times. What you will notice are ‘crack bubbles’ in a now viscous solution.
7. Add some more distilled water 6 or 7mm above the crack bubbles. Continue to heat, although you do not need for it to come to a boil. Keep swirling the beaker.
8.You will see an oily yellow amassment. This is the good shit. Keep swirling and it will begin to solidify. What you have achieved is this, Coc-H+Cl− + NaHCO3 → Coc + H2O + CO2 + NaCl.
9. Now you’re going to collect the precipitate. You can let it cool and collect the rocks, or you can extract it with a sterile metal object such as a knife. Introducing the object will allow for the crack to gather, climb and solidify. Chop it up accordingly.
10. Now you’ve got crack-cocaine. Resist the urge to smoke it, but if you do, enjoy. Should cross the blood-brain barrier in about six seconds. If you like, you can effectively reverse the process by diluting it with something acidic like vinegar. Now you can’t smoke it, but you can inject it. Maybe even into your face. I use malt vinegar so that I can feel the burn. Mix that shit with heroine and you’ve got speedballs. Now you just need to find a non-collapsed vein and it will get to the brain almost instantaneously. Hurray!
Remember, the substance is less volatile than the customer on the consumption end. It’s easy to make crack. So much so that you know your customers are suckers. That is not to say that the product is bad, just that your customers are predictable in an unpredictable way. The best customer is the one that functions as a middleman. They might try to jack you, but, when they’re not, the volumes are bigger, the transactions fewer and more meaningful. Everyone is happier. Also, you don’t have to deal with any crackheads. Having said that, if you have the energy and patience, you’ll make more money if you divvy up your crack and sell it to the fiends. Do it almost by the rock if you can.
Now you don’t have to make crack to sell crack. Making crack is also a good way of assaying the quality of your blow, especially if you’re uncertain about the chain of distribution above you. If you’re selling coke, you can just make a small batch of crack. By the sizes of the bubbles you can tell the purity. Bigger bubbles equal better. Little bubbles mean that there are a lot of impurities. Keep selling a better product and you’ll be having keys coming from overseas. Straight from source is when you become a magnate. Now, that’s the coke Game, and that’s where the money is, but don’t knock crack. Smoke that motherfucking shit.
For real, but as Too $hort said, the crack epidemic was the black man’s lost chance. Just like the white man made a fortune during Prohibition, so too should have the black man in the 80s and 90s with crack. Draconian legislation saw the black man held down and the opportunity lost.  Extended sentences and all manner of unpleasant shit. That’s why the pimp Game is where it’s at, but that will be got to in good time.
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 Not the crack, the money. [*Editorial note* pimpnotes 1-4 refer to shit in the actual book. Check it out.]
 But, as the commercial went, If I could buy the world a Coke.
 As O.T. Genasis said, “baking soda. I got baking soda. Whip it through the glass, NIGGA.”
 As SL Smooth said, “The main ingredient, ya’ll.”
 As Leonard Cohen said, “And everybody knows that you live forever. Ah, when you’ve done a line or two.”
 On a terminological note, freebase as a noun means the pure form of an anime. Freebasing the verb is when you smoke this shit. The distinction should be maintained.
 The real word here is inflammable. However, as Strunk pointed out many-a-year ago, one should use flammable when concerned about the safety of children and illiterates. Either may be the case here.
 As Melle Mel said, “Higher, baby. Get higher, baby. Get higher, baby. And don’t ever come down. Freebase!”
 Doesn’t have to be baking soda, but could be ammonium bicarbonate or ammonium carbonate, doesn’t really matter. Either way, the wisdom of the ages is on your side in terms of ratios. Agamemnon, Ganymede, etc., etc. would do the same with wine to water. All these niggas went 3:1, except for maybe Dionysus who’d probably go 1:0. That’s gangsta. But, “Christ follows Dionysus,/ Phallic and ambrosial.” J.C. went 0:1 to get 100% wine, but he’s the man. Crack is all J.C. because they’re both hella dope.
 It’s gotta rock. As Necro said, “crack is my violin.”
 As C-Murder said, “Overcook yo’ dope it might come out brown. Them fiends gonna run yo ass clean outta town.”
 You can skip all this and make fake crack. As Krayzie Bone said, “We would make fake rocks of crack from bread. We’d ball-up the bread, put it in the oven, let it get hard, chop it up, and put Orajel on it. As soon as you drop it in the buyer’s hand, and he gives you the money, it’s sold. If they want the money back, well, you’ve got to handle that.”
 As Josh Todd said, “And, yes, I’m all lit up again.”
 Like Beethoven putting his head on the piano.
 As Lou Reed said, “Heroin. It’s my life and it’s my wife.”
 You can even inject it into your cock like Mother Superior.
 Public advisory, but fuck it. A million magic crystals, painted pure and white. A multi-million dollars almost overnight.
 Just so there’s a 2Pac reference in something that began by evoking Biggie. If only we could invoke them.
 Or the don dada, if you prefer.
 The sage advice of Charlie Sheen should be evoked here, “”I said stay away from the crack. Which I think is good advice. Unless you can manage it socially. Because, if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know.”
 The cocaine market was already saturated. But, if coke could be sold to a new demographic and at a fraction of the cost with a high profit line, why not? The CIA definitely turned a blind eye to some of what the Contras were moving. Some of that shit was even flown in on military planes. Still, an entrepreneurial effort was required. This is where you saw the likes of Freeway Rick Ross getting the product to the streets.
 Targeting that fickle demographic of crack addicts, PCP might just be another crack at it.
 As Killer Mike said, “But thanks to Reaganomics, prisons turned to profits ‘cause free labor is the cornerstone of US economics ‘cause slavery was abolished, unless you are in prison. You think I am bullshitting, then read the 13th Amendment. Involuntary servitude and slavery it prohibits. That’s why they giving drug offenders time in double digits.”
 After all, that’s why drug dealers are the pimp’s lesser brethren.